I feel so Screwed Up!!

The wedding tonight went great! An affair with no frills and just simple elegance. Both Bride and Groom looked stunning and very much in love. The BRIDE looked gorgeous in her wedding gown!!!

To Yifan and Jessie: Congrats on proceeding to a blissful married life...remember the two words alright laoda? ---- Just OBEY.

That being said, I will not devote the rest of my post tonight to a commentary of the blissful wedding. I am in the mood for negativity. I just want to bitch about life and it's issues.

I realize that saying Thank You is one thing. I mean I really really am sincere with the Thank you...However, it doesn't change the fact that what has happened...has already happened. The hurt has been dealt out. It still rebounds at every chance it gets. I'm a CANCER, I dwell very much in the past! *Check your horoscopes, it says to never ever hurt/betray a cancerian*

It's so contradictory for myself. I say I want to break the ice and I really really do want to try. However, I start to hesitate the moment I see them both. It's hard. Very Very Hard. I question every motive, if there was one. I am unable to feel that trust and comfort anymore. My issues are always two pronged. Just like how, after my friend's interview, I was reminded of the good times we shared...I was also reminded of the bad times that I had to go through alone, after speaking with another friend tonight regarding my problems.

Seeing the two at the wedding dinner tonight and talking about it again at DXO tonight brought back many unwanted thoughts. Add to that a bad bad bad performance for me on the dance floor tonight when SO many influential and amazing dancers were watching....just pretty much screws me up.

** I screwed up my dance steps, I haven't felt so shitty about any performance since august last year. **

I started the day in a good mood. Well, I'm not in one anymore. Does me no good that I slept 3 hours last night, been up since 9am and it's now 3.28am as I type this. Know me...I'm a cancer, I get frequent Mood Swings.

Am dozing off as I type..til laters..