elusive black heels and me

Been hunting up and down for a pair of black heels these past few weeks. They are eluding me! So irritating.

Met up with a friend today. We had a talk about depression (yeah, morbid topic huh?) and he described the symptoms of depression to me. I have never really mentioned it openly to anyone before and it's been a very private issue of mine but I've always wondered if I had suffered from depression a few months back when things got kind of rocky and after today's insight, I think I actually did suffer from mild depression back then.

Late at night, I'd walk to the kitchen for a drink and suddenly a wave of sadness would overcome me and I'd zone out for half an hour just standing in the kitchen. I'd feel so upset after I recover and go to my room to cry.
*action repeats every other 2 nights*

Sleeping became a problem.
*Since I disdain sleeping pills, I just had to deal with panda eyes and irritable temper*

I even had very fleeting thoughts of "ending it" or "just disappearing".
*kinda scary because I never thought I'd be one to even think of it*

I kind of understand why some people resort to cutting themselves when they are under depression. It's because they are hurting so much inside that they want to inflict some form of physical pain so as to attempt to forget the emotional pain inside, even for just that short moment. It's because the emotional pain can get quite unbearable if there is no outlet for them to vent.

I just thought of my family and people concerned for me, and how sad they would be if I did anything silly and that kinda helped me. But, it's really kind of scary because you can feel quite helpless and I hope it NEVER happens again.

Anyways, on a much lighter note, Vas and Pris won the Dancefloor competition.
I have a lot of opinions on the whole program and the results BUT i shall keep them to myself and my close friends because I do not want to get flamed on my blog. I'd rather use this space to congratulate all the contestants on a job well done! It has been month and months of gruelling hard work and late nights and dance deadlines and facing harsh critiques. It's all over now! It's time to party and dance just for the pure enjoyment of dancing! Any dance enthusiast is a winner to me!

*Ardent supporter Zee takes over*

PLATINUM Rawks!
We Love you, PLATINUM!

For an ending off joke, I saw this analogy on my friend's MSN nick. I like it, Ha!

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Qns: Why do women spend time improving their looks but not their brains?

Ans: It's because they know men are stupid but not blind.


*Any boys want to defend themselves?*

Hurt

Hurt By Johnny Cash

I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything

what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt

I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns
upon my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
beneath the stains of time
the feelings disappear
you are someone else
I am still right here

what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt

I will let you down
I will make you hurt

if I could start again
a million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

Only human after all

Just got home.

Feeling pissed tonight so I went and sat at the Esplanade Waterfront for 3 hours just to take my heart and mind off this unscheduled surge of "不爽的" feeling.

I'm beginning to think it's not just silly ol' me forming unfounded ideas in my head. What I spy with my little eye seems proof enough. There's really no point though, in getting pissed and wasting my energy but well, I just AM.

It's a feeling, it shouldn't be stifled right?

I'm almost over certain issues, but I guess old habits die hard and relapses are only human.

I so want August to come fast so I can fly far far away........

Make a Difference

When a choice is placed in front of you and you are given a chance to do something to make a positive difference to someone's life, would you step up to do it? Or would you close your eyes and walk on by?



Make a Difference



Have you made a difference yet?

Surprise video

I won't tell you what this video is about. Just watch it if you dare.

Ciara - Like A Boy

This Video Is the Bomb. Ciara is the Bomb. Her Dancers are the Bomb.



Girls, Dance like a Boy!!!

Sleeping in

I gave myself a "sleep in" Day today.
I slept in for 12 hours.




Be Amazed.




I feel good. Haha. Helps me collect my energy and recharge.
It's also the first Tuesday in Months that I did not have to go teach for 5 hours.

Okay, back to some dance classes starting next week. Man, April passed by really fast!

A weird dream

I had a really weird dream. Any part time dream intepreters here?I barely remember any of it except for a few strange bits. Let's just write them down as interesting trivia. I think we can film a horror movie with these scenarios haha!

Horror Script

1st scene i remember

I travelled back to the past. I landed back in my secondary school class in TKGS. Somehow there was a guy(??!!) sitting next to me and i was helping him tie a tudung on his head..all the time thinking, "Why am I back in the past? I'm from the future!" ...I have no idea why. Jimmy (yes, Jimmy...) then walks in and asks the class how come we were not in our seats and that we were to move back to our original placings. So we did.

2nd scene i remember

Someone ( I had a vague impression it was Carol from Studio Wu) was playing the song "Give it to me" by timberland and nelly and i recognised it as the latest song from 2007. A girl in class asks if that song was new because she's never heard it, and I drag my friends to the toilet and tell them that I'm from the future and to prove my statement, i told them that song is currently a new song being played there right now. They look at me like I'm weird.

3rd scene i remember

A big mansion. Chrsytelle (yes, Chrystelle..) and i kept running around looking for something. It got quite scary at one point. We then went to a toilet and the 3 seating cubicles were all locked. Only the 2 squatting ones were free. One of the seating cubicle doors open by itself and Chrystelle was about to use it when a girl comes in and says...there's a white figure in there. We freak out and get out of the toilet.

4th scene I remember

Lots of people moving around in the mansion...can't remember who or why. A panic atmosphere.Suddenly, we're all congregated in this big hall and discussing about a supernatural threat. Slowly, a bright light starts to engulf the hall. I close my eyes. After a while i turn on my laptop ( It was just THERE.) and start to watch videos while waiting for the light to fade. A guy suddenly taps my shoulder and tells me to turn around.

Chrystelle has this voice recorder machine and she says this thing/person wants them to do something...She made a comment like, "I'm beginning to hear similar patterns in his accent." After which she plays the recorder and the voice that comes out somehow sounds like thunder and i wake up and realize that it's raining cats and dogs outside and thunder just went off.....Ha!

The End

After I read it once through, I realise it sounds like one of those "continue this paragraph" composition essays that I used to love to write...

Totally does not make any sense. I'm not even stressed or depressed about anything currently.

Weirdass Post.....

If you're happy and you know it

If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands! *clap clap*
If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands! *clap clap*
If you're happy and you know it and you really want to show it.
If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands! *clap clap*

Ok...I'm still on a high after my extra fun night at DXO. I'm planning another clubbing night already! Who wants to go?? It's gonna be Zouk this time! I think I'm really making use of my April/May break to just relax and have fun...*friends, you got the hint? I'm free right now....ask me out!*

Today was a lazy Saturday spent watching vcds and variety shows at home after an uber fun Friday night. First time in ages that I did not have to drive all the way to NUS to teach 3-4 hours of dance class. My students are on exam break. The free time is great but I also feel quite itchy backside because I'm so used to jumping around for 4 hours on a Saturday. It's the first Saturday that I don't see my students and I miss them already!

To D'hoppers and Jazztitude,

Please study hard for your exams alright! There will be exciting dance stuff lined up during the holidays so finish those papers and get ready to party! I am looking forward to the beach in Sentosa and the music and drinks at MOS with you all!

Luv,
Zee

I'm in a really really really good mood. Children...after your exams, you can all sing along with me!

If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands! *clap clap*
If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands! *clap clap*
If you're happy and you know it and you really want to show it.
If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands! *clap clap*

Alcohol

Qira's pre-birthday celebration at DXO....

1 tequila pop
1.5 martini coke
1 waterfall
1 lychee martini
1 quick f**k

.....was how much I drank tonight.

After 4 years of abstaining from alcohol, I let loose tonight.

Started off a bit woozy after the waterfall and i had a sudden urge to cry but i didn't and i ended up really happy.

Feels great somehow. Actually got rather high. I haven't had so much uninhibited fun in ages. So glad that I do not have to teach class in the morning!

It better not become an addiction! =P

A piece of good news

After a long break from clubbox downloads because there were no new Japanese dramas that caught my interest and not much new stuff from my favorite artistes, I finally re-started grabbing stuff off them last night.

Good stuff is going to start being available starting from this week so....YAY!

I grabbed Proposal Daisakusen Episode 1 and it was a good start to what i think will be a very interesting drama serial. Yamapi is back to acting a little dorky...I love!

I grabbed Kattun Real Face Debut Concert 2007 as well and it was but an appetizer to what I was about to discover. Anyway, the concert rocked! Got to hear Jin sing and prance around on stage looking really sexy! Woohoo! Even with their gawdy (read: fugly) costumes, I somehow still like their concerts...it's very entertaining, very crowd pleasing. These boys are true performers. Well...you have to be REALLY good to look good in those *ahem* gawdy costumes!

Yes...since Jin is on a 6 month study break, he's been missing in action since October last year and I've taken a break from Kattun for 6 months. After downloading the concert and watching Jin and falling in love with him all over again.....I get this piece of WONDERFUL news.

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Akanishi Jin has returned to Japan on April 19th. He is set to hold a press conference with Kattun on the April 20th and will most likely resume his showbiz career.

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All Jin fans say Yeah!!

And yeapp....with this post, You get to see my very well hidden squealing fangirl persona!! I have a weakness for pretty boys.

Operation Love

New Yamapi Dorama!! Cho Ureshii da yo!!

Photo Update ( Long Post )

First Photo: Zee and D'hoppers



The very beautiful poster card my dance students gave me on the last night of musical production. I read the sweet messages every time i walk into my study room.

Thank you guys!

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Second Batch: Yifan's Wedding Dinner at Goodwood Park Hotel











Only took 5 photos using my camera because they provided each table with a disposable camera. Just to finish up all the film on the disposable camera, the whole table of us ended up taking lots of random, goofy SOLO shots. I hope the Bride and Groom have a good laugh browsing through all our stupid poses.

Btw, I think I look real nice in Yisi's glasses. =P

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Third Batch: Takeshi Nishino Street Dance Masterclass



Yeah it's like just one pathetic photo haha...

I'm standing next to Mr. Nishino...Sugoiiii!! He is one small dynamo who dances like a giant! Respect!! Psst...Anyone recognize the 4th girl from the left?

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Fourth Batch: My new acquisition for the day...Giant Tote Bag.




( This piece of bling accessory cost like half the price of the bag itself...The store lady told me it's imported from Korea and it's good quality wor...I think I'm a sucker for bling. )

So the story and reason (read: little domestic squabble) behind my latest buy goes like this...

I had to do a show after Yifan's wedding and thus I had to lug around a mountain of dance costumes, accessories and makeup to the dinner. I stuffed them all into a nice Singtel paper bag and was just about to leave the house when Daddy spots me carrying the Singtel bag and comments..

Dad: Are you going to carry that to the wedding? Don't you have something nicer and more presentable? Why don't you use one of those sports bags that you always carry?

Me: I thought this Singtel bag looks alright enough. It's big and sturdy, not the soft soft kind. I think carrying a sports bag to a wedding dinner while in my evening clothes looks weird, that's why I decided not to use it.

Dad: I think you should get a bag with a zipper. Don't you have any other bags instead of a paper bag? What happens if your stuff drops out? Your jeans are hanging out of the paper bag already..it doesn't look very presentable. Change it. I still think your sports bag is nicer.


Me: I don't want to go to a wedding dinner carrying my Von Dutch sports bag...I think the paper bag is fine...

Mom cuts in: What's the problem?

Dad: I don't think our daughter should bring a paper bag to the wedding dinner. Looks very sloppy. Think she should use one of the sports bags she always carries.


Me: The sports bag will look weird with my dressing.

Mom: Oh, I have a yellow tote bag...let me go get it for you. *walks to find tote bag*

Mom: Here it is....

it's a translucent bright yellow tote bag...instead of just some bits of my jeans, you could see ALL my stuff in the bag..

Me: Ok...*sighs* so i shall carry this bag then...let's go.

Mom: Why? You not comfortable carrying it? It's ok, I'll go search for a nicer paper bag for you since Daddy is so insistent.

Me: It's really ok, this bag will do. Let's go or we'll be late.

Dad: Yes, at least it's a proper bag. But I still think you should get something more covered up. With a zipper. I'm going to go get the car. See you all outside.

** at this point, I got a bit fed up and walked to my room, grabbed my sports bag and transferred all my stuff over. **

** Mom returns with a few paper bags **

Mom: Oh, you changed to the sports bag? Here, I found some nice paper bags. Why don't you use this mango one?

Me: Daddy is so insistent on the sports bag ma...just to make him happy lor. I still think it looks out of place though...

Mom: Well, actually I share the same view as you. Sometimes your daddy's tastes are a bit weird. You sure you don't want the mango paper bag?? I'll bring it to the car in case you decide to change.

** Both of us head out to the car, me with red Von Dutch bag in tow **

Dad: There, see...this bag looks so much better than the flimsy paper bag.

Me: ........

Mom: I agree with your daughter, I think carrying a sports bag to a wedding is not so nice. Darling, you sure you don't want to use the Mango bag?

Me: Yah, I think I'll use the mango paper bag.

** I quickly grab the paper bag and transfer all my stuff **

Mom's ending words and the whole point to this story

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Mom: You don't have a tote bag to use for more dressy occasions right? Think you should invest in a nice classy tote bag for future uses.


And there you have it.
A nice classy tote bag.


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Fifth Batch: Pretty Pretty Boots



Found this pair of boots in an online spree. So lovely....But! I can't buy it because I'd be mad to wear fur-lined boots in humid Singapore and I won't buy it because people will think I'm phreaking mad to wear fur-lined boots in Singapore.

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Sixth Batch: Bored, Narcissistic Me




I had a good time exercising my various facial muscles. Good training for dance performance expressions. Ha! (Black and white photos hide my poor skin condition! =P)

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Okay.....photos updated. Happy?

Lazy Pig

Have been procrastinating on uploading my photos lately...My camera's in my bag in my bedroom and I'm too lazy to walk from my study room where my PC is, to get my camera in my bedroom.

I know, I'm such a pig. I don't care. Ha.

To the people waiting to get the photos from me, wait a bit more. I think I'll be in an energetic enough mood tomorrow to......

wake up -> wash up -> get changed -> reach into my bag -> grab my camera -> walk to my study room -> switch on the PC -> transfer the photos and FINALLY, upload the pictures onto my blog.

I think I'm going to make some people happy tomorrow. =P

Shopping Spree?

I love the outfit above! Shall attempt to reproduce it. It's so phreaking hard trying to find boots like that. The jeans are lovely and actually can be bought online haha...But I'm hesitant because you need to TRY on jeans for good fit.

Hrmmz...Been browsing through lots of online sprees lately...am sooo tempted to spend some money on online shopping. The stuff are really nice and cheaper than compared to Singapore, even after postage fees. If anyone's keen to check it out, go here.

Shopping Sprees

And the battle between my inner spendthrift and prudent saver goes on...

** Devil: Yes Z, go do some retail therapy. Spend ALL your money on nice pretty clothes and shoes to pamper yourself. **

** Angel: No Z, you need to save up for Japan. You want to go improve on your dance skills right? AND....Your closet's already too full. **

Ahhh.......I'm torn.

New obsession

Forget the PSP.

Forget the MAC Lappy.


My new obsession
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Nike Air Force Ones


Aren't They Sweet? And well within my spending range.
Just no new clothes for me for 2 months haha.
I still would love my own car though.....

Freestyling

Freestyling turns out to be rather addictive.

It's really hard taking that first step to join in, because I basically think I'm not competent enough and I'll just make a big fool of myself if I freestyle. I have this inferiority complex. But with a little help from friends ....

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**cajoling AND physically pulling me to the dancefloor included**

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.... And just some "heck care and just do it no matter how stupid i look" attitude...the first step hurdle was cleared and I realise once again tonight that no matter how stupid i feel i'm going to look or how awkward my steps are...I still love to move and dance to music - It's the Dancer in me! Dance has no boundaries and no barriers and no divides. I'm always very happy and touched to hear fellow dancers tell me that I have improved. It makes me want to be better and to go further. I think I just might join in the next freestyling session if I can make it.

Dancing has brought me on such an amazing journey. I look back and see how we have all matured in dance and I feel very proud. I look where we are trying to head towards and I feel very proud too.

Like I tell my students, Keep Loving Dance!

Winnings

I played Mahjong last night.

I won a grand total of:-

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$0.60

Ok, that was a totally unnecessary post. Ha.

大傻瓜

谁能教我怎么把心冻结？

是否能把那伤痕累累的心，
藏在连我自己都开不了的冰箱。

那些象海浪般的感触，一波一波的涌向我。
把我耍的团团转，好傻。大傻瓜。
现在的我有太多太多的心魔。
爱恨纠纷，我已经不想去解答。
只想开朗的过日子，不再做个伤心的傻瓜。

谁能教我怎么把心冻结？

是否能把那伤痕累累的心，
藏在连我自己都开不了的冰箱。。。

作者：之之
12日 04月 2007年

Random and insane thoughts

Decision of the day: I will forgo the Taiwan trip and save up for my BIG Japan trip somewhere in August/September. Calling out for interested dance friends to join me on this trip. It will be about 3 weeks to a month long if possible. Let's go there and level up our dance skills! So erm, start saving now?

I caught up with a Primary School classmate just a few days ago. Haven't spoken to him in like 10+++ years. It felt really nostalgic just catching up with him, updating each other on our lives. He is happily married to a beautiful wife, has 2 kids ( an adorable boy and a pretty girl ) and is currently studying in Australia.

** I seem to have an affinity with the word Australia lately...**

I am currently single, have no kids and still living off my parents! hahaha...Don't I sound like some pathetic, unwanted loner? I am starting to wonder if I'll ever get married. My numerology readings tell me it will be a tough process finding a partner haha.

** I am beginning to see no point in this post. Anyway, I shall share some secrets of my life path with you all...everyone say "Oooh". **

Z's Numerology says:

You often rise to the top of any career that you choose but the old cliche "it's lonely at the top" also applies to you. This is because threes are often fated to be loved by many but not by one special other. However most as most 3's are naturally philanthropic and giving of their hearts, many are quite satisfied with the mass attention and social popularity that is often part of their life path.

** I will rise to the top of my career?? Really? Ok, I promise I will work really hard! **

In fact, the highest attainment of your life path is the polishing and perfecting of your talent and sharing it with the world. Unfortunately as you do so you may find yourself leaving a lot of broken hearts along the way. A challenge for many 3's is also not to become too jaded about love.

** I'll say in advance, I'm sorry for breaking any hearts! **

Ok....I think I'm rather mad tonight. PMS? I shall stop making people roll their eyes in exasperation by ending my post now. Period.

A Holiday

Destination : Taiwan (Taipei)
Date: 7th - 12th May 2007
Cost: $800 - $900
Game Plan: Take dance classes, shop and relax.

Shall I go? Anyone want to join me?
I'm dying to get out of Singapore, even if it's just for one week.

This video made me smile.

Cancerian

You rank at the top of the emotional zodiac sign charts, and those who surround you are never sure what kind of mood you’ll be in. One minute you’re kind, and the next you’re using cruel words as your weapon when you’re hurt. One minute you’re cautious, and the next you’re adventurous. One minute you are sympathetic to someone’s problems, and the next you are indifferent. Your extreme sensitivity is most likely to blame for your moodiness and contradictory nature. Because you treasure your emotional relationships so much, you can become quite possessive of people. You often get stuck in the past, and this tendency for nostalgia can paralyze your progress for the future. You find it difficult to willingly let go of past friends, lovers and loved ones, and tend to relive all of your mistakes. Those born under the Cancer sign make wonderful friends – but you have to like the person you are friends with a lot. More than anything, as a Cancer you want to be able to open up, but your own self-defenses stemming from an inferiority complex often prevent you from doing so. When you do find harmony in a relationship, you are the best friend that someone could ask for. But if someone hurts you, you retreat back to the aforementioned shell to sulk, and because you enjoy solitude so much, it might take a while for you to pull out of hiding and face the world again.

True or not? You decide.

I feel so Screwed Up!!

The wedding tonight went great! An affair with no frills and just simple elegance. Both Bride and Groom looked stunning and very much in love. The BRIDE looked gorgeous in her wedding gown!!!

To Yifan and Jessie: Congrats on proceeding to a blissful married life...remember the two words alright laoda? ---- Just OBEY.

That being said, I will not devote the rest of my post tonight to a commentary of the blissful wedding. I am in the mood for negativity. I just want to bitch about life and it's issues.

I realize that saying Thank You is one thing. I mean I really really am sincere with the Thank you...However, it doesn't change the fact that what has happened...has already happened. The hurt has been dealt out. It still rebounds at every chance it gets. I'm a CANCER, I dwell very much in the past! *Check your horoscopes, it says to never ever hurt/betray a cancerian*

It's so contradictory for myself. I say I want to break the ice and I really really do want to try. However, I start to hesitate the moment I see them both. It's hard. Very Very Hard. I question every motive, if there was one. I am unable to feel that trust and comfort anymore. My issues are always two pronged. Just like how, after my friend's interview, I was reminded of the good times we shared...I was also reminded of the bad times that I had to go through alone, after speaking with another friend tonight regarding my problems.

Seeing the two at the wedding dinner tonight and talking about it again at DXO tonight brought back many unwanted thoughts. Add to that a bad bad bad performance for me on the dance floor tonight when SO many influential and amazing dancers were watching....just pretty much screws me up.

** I screwed up my dance steps, I haven't felt so shitty about any performance since august last year. **

I started the day in a good mood. Well, I'm not in one anymore. Does me no good that I slept 3 hours last night, been up since 9am and it's now 3.28am as I type this. Know me...I'm a cancer, I get frequent Mood Swings.

Am dozing off as I type..til laters..

A good friday

Happy Good Friday!

Jazz Babes and GUY, the BBQ rawked! Maurice's HUGE house and uber pretty cat rawked as well! Right now, I'm still stuffed even though I stopped eating at like 8pm...I think the EZB BBQ catering service is quite cool! Whoever has the contact for that, pass to me can? haha.

Will be doing a performance at DXO tomorrow night. Samantha called and persuaded me to do it like 4 hours before our one and only rehearsal just now at 9pm! hahaha. It was so impromptu and Both Sam and I were in skirts and flip-flops and we did not bring any dance wear to change because we weren't even supposed to be doing the show! At least Sam was in denim skirt. Picture me dancing to Wade Robson in a frilly skirt and a lace cardigan...=P

Event Info: We are performing an item for Jitterbugs Swingapore at the Brooklyn Rock Dance Party. The party brings together dancers from the major dance studios and dance groups in Singapore. Bill Calhoun will be hosting. Tickets are pre-sale so I won't even plug for the event now hahaha.

Add to that...Yifan's wedding is tomorrow!! I'm gonna be in such a mad rush tom, not to mention lugging around a really huge bag...So unglamorous!!

Check out my scheduling tom:-

1. Teaching from 10am to 2pm
2. DXO stage run at 4pm
3. Yifan's wedding at GoodWood from 630pm to 1030pm
4. DXO performance at Esplanade from 1130pm

Argghhh!! Now I have to go choreograph for my classes tom!

Laters

To you, to Us

Did an interview for a friend last night. She was doing a school project on certain aspects of love.

General gist of the interview: What sort of expressions would you expect your significant other/future partner to display as an affirmation of their love for you?

The interview required me to recollect certain significant events in my life. It made me think of you. It made me think of the "us" back in happier times. I still remember the laughter and the tears we shared. The simple chemistry we shared. The understanding and comfort we had. I know it meant alot to you. It meant a lot to me as well, no matter how unaffected and easy I seemed to take things.

It still means a lot to me, regardless of the choice i made. It will forever be a part of me, a part of who I am and a part of who I will become. No matter what has taken place in between then and now, no matter how we have turned out and how we view each other now, I will never be able to hate you. I just hate what has happened to us but I guess we are all victims of circumstance.

Today...Right now, I think it's good enough to say just two words, for all the things that we have shared, given and understood from each other...



Thank You.

Smile?

A clue to the next challenging process I am going to embark on soon enough. The picture shows the wonderful gains I will achieve if I do it!

Utada Hikaru - Flavor of Life

When you say thank you to me,
for some reason it hurts,
Like a magic spell that doesn’t
get undone even after the good bye.
the faintly burning pain.
The flavor of life

Neither friends nor lovers, in uncertain terms
like an un-riped fruit dreaming about the day of harvest
because of being unable to just move one more step forward
It’s just so frustrating

When you say thank you to me,
for some reason it hurts,
Like a magic spell that doesn’t
get undone even after the good bye.
the faintly burning pain.
The flavor of life

Sweet talk and tasteless conversations.
i have no interest in them
even when things do not go the way I want them
you make me believe that there is still something in life

When asked ‘ whats wrong?’
I answer ‘its nothing’
The smile that disappears after goodbye
I’m not like myself anymore

The more i wish to believe in you,
For some reason it hurts even more
‘i like you’ instead of ‘i love you’ is more like the person I knew
the flavor of life

I wish I could cherish the white color of the falling snow like I used to
by the time I would remember the scent of the person I’ve nearly forgotten

A future tender and warmer than a diamond
i want to grasp it, in this limited time we have, i want to live it with you
when you say thank you to me,
for some reason it hurts,
Like a magic spell that doesnt
get undone even after the good bye.
the faintly burning pain.
The flavor of life

Luxury

Finally had luxury time to sit down and relax on Sunday. Watched 2 movies on my pc so I could take my mind off other things. I know I'm backdated but oh well, the 2 movies were World Trade Centre and The Covenant.

I think most of the girlies would have gushed over this like months ago already but man, I tell you...the boys in The Covenant are freaking hot! I'm like so in love with Steven Strait, the guy who acted as Caleb. Such a charming charming smile and such brooding eyes! Not to mention the hot bod...ok I'm starting to sound really "airheaded"! (Enough, Z, Enough!)

Here's a picture for all of you to drool over. *ahhh caleb*


On another note, I want to do an image overhaul. I want to drastically change my hairstyle and hair colour. I'm going through a redefine myself phase because I think an image change might help me to relieve stress as I attempt to get over certain issues in my life. Anyone think I'm crazy if I say I want to chop off all my hair and do something like the ayumi pictures below? Tell me now or forever keep your silence.


* I know my eyes not as big as hers la ok...that's not the point. Just look at the hairstyle*

Anyway, today's main post shall be about some luxury items I soooo feel like owning even though I think I live on fine without. I'm just gonna gush about them, whether I succumb and decide to go get them eventually or not is another question for another day! Maybe if I get a REALLY FAT paycheck, I would!

Luxury Item 1 - White PSP


I've already got an ipod. In fact, I've got TWO ipods (B'day gift ok...dun come and kidnap me, I'm not that rich!!). I don't exactly spend a lot of time on public transport so I don't really need something to help me kill time...but it looks really sleek, it's white, i can play games on it, it's white, I can watch videos and movies on it, its white. Get my point? With my next dance paycheck, I might just get it. It's still affordable.

Luxury Item 2 - MacBook



If you haven't realized, I like WHITE things. I'm a sucker for aesthetic value. I like my things pretty and sleek. It's good for graphics...I COULD improve on the photo quality of my blog if I got this laptop! But then again, I've already got a Toshiba laptop that I seldom use except for when I need to show videos to my students or when I want to watch a movie lying on my bed. It's $2.4k.....I'd need another musical production Paycheck if I want this badly! Who needs dance choreographer for their musical production??

Luxury Item 3 - My own Car



Ok I'm currently eyeing the Suzuki Swift. It's practical as well as small enough for me to handle and I love the look of the model. I would LURVE a WHITE Suzuki Swift. Although the red one above looks really great as well! However, this item requires more than a FAT paycheck and I'd have to pay the instalments after that..i think this item would probably be just wishful thinking...But being able to zip around on my own is something I personally find very fulfilling.

I wonder if it's possible that Daddy might be planning a big surprise for my 25th Birthday....Hmmm.

Yeah.....The pricing patterns of my luxury items are quite simple. It's ascending! Haha.

Well...I'm leaving you all with a random photo of some of my dancers being dorks. They are pretending to be *stars!* Psst..Isn't the Prop NICE??

Work of Art

Production Day 2 - Act 2 Hip Hop



Production Day 2 - Finale (Music's abit out of sync...bear with it)



Great Job Guys, Did all of us proud. What's a choreographer without her dancers, right?

April 1st 2007

Happy April Fools Day.

1st April. A new month. A new cycle.

A fresh start?